Flipping the Norm

My story with ADHD is an interesting, long, and complicated one. I have had it all my life but was not diagnosed until my late 20s. Even when I got my ADHD diagnosis, there was a sense of relief and acknowledgment that explained why I had so many challenges that others didn’t seem to have. However, I was still stuck comparing myself to other “normal” tendencies that didn’t fit mine and beating myself up internally for the “shoulds” I just couldn’t do. Over years of trying to fit in a bell curve that I did not belong to and trying to navigate through systems that were counterproductive to my way of thinking, it manifested in struggles with perfectionism, shame, anxiety, and a constant state of overwhelm. My journey is not unlike many other people with ADHD that I have met and worked with. As ADHD, we are used to constantly comparing ourselves to people who are neurotypical and trifling through systems that are designed for neurotypical brains. Most of us with ADHD are emerged in this one-sided view for most of our lives. It can be exhausting and debilitating!

But what if you could start to let go of the “shoulds” or the way other people do things? What if you flipped your norm and embraced what worked for you? What if you could focus on how you get things done and do it that way more often? What if you could follow how your brain works better and allow yourself to have that be your new normal? What would that be like for you?

Flipping the Norm

I’d like to shed light on normalizing certain ADHD behaviors and share how some of my clients and I have adapted to work with a neurodivergent brain:

Hard time getting started and maintaining focus for boring and tedious tasks when you are by yourself:

Stop doing it alone. Whether it be talking on the phone while doing laundry, doing homework at a coffee shop or library, cleaning together as a family, having someone ask you questions about what’s on your test instead of staring at flashcards, or joining our free Body Double Clinic virtually here at The Center.

Struggle to make a plan when thinking inside your head:

Find a way to externalize your thoughts. This can look many different ways, such as talking out loud to another person, verbally processing out loud to yourself while using “speech to text” to capture your thoughts, or using movement around while you process information. Externalizing your thoughts can provide more clarity and make thinking easier.

Trouble with working memory and remembering things (no matter how many times you have done it before):

Identify “cues” that actually prompt you to complete or remember your task — put a full water bottle right by your meds, have a family member gently remind you to check the dining room so you can see the dishes you missed, recognize that you clean when you have people coming over and then have them over more often, or advocate for deadlines.

Hard time getting brain “online” for tasks that take lots of cognitive effort:

Give yourself time to boot up your brain before jumping in — reference notes from a past meeting about a project first, pull up an assignment just to look over it, write down questions you may have, brain dump all the thoughts that come to mind and organize them later, or start with the smallest and easiest sub-task.

Now, flipping your norm is no easy task. It begins with accepting that your brain works differently, and as many times as you’ve tried to fit in that “neurotypical” box, it just doesn’t. Acceptance also means recognizing that you might need more cues and support due to executive function challenges that impact your ability to remember and complete goals or tasks. Recognize that you’re not alone in this journey—others are navigating very similar challenges as well.

When you’re ready to make a change, I challenge you to become aware. What do you notice about how and when you get things done?

If you’re ready to explore flipping your norm further, connect with one of our coaches at The Center who gets it, or join us for the Cleaning, Chores, and Organizing, oh My! 90-minute Workshop on January 18th with Coach Riley and me. Together, we’ll normalize and explore ADHD-friendly principles for organizing your home, helping you create systems for maintaining, tidying, and cleaning room by room. Let’s make it ADHD-possible!