The other day, a friend said something that struck me: “New Year’s Resolutions seem like a very neurotypical thing.” FOR. SURE. It’s giving teacher-assigning-a-daily-reading-log-due-at-the-end-of-the-semester vibes. It is simple enough in theory and painfully difficult in practice when you have a brain of the ADHD variety.
While long-term goals can give many of us sweaty palms, New Year’s Resolutions are pretty seductive to ADHD folks. Who isn’t drawn to the promise of a happier, more attractive, more interesting version of ourselves? With the excitement of a new shiny thing to try, I’ve thrown myself into a resolution many a year, researching anything and everything about it (and sometimes even moving from researching to actually doing it!). Then, as it becomes tediously routine or increasingly tricky, it peters out, and I find myself returning to my old, comfortably imperfect self.
The thing is, New Year’s Resolution failures aren’t just an ADHD phenomenon. Columbia University found that of the nearly half of Americans making New Year’s resolutions, only about 25% stay committed to them after just 30 days. And even fewer, less than 10%, accomplish their goals. I don’t like those odds. What gives?
Change is hard, or else we would have changed already. My theory is those in the less than 10% category who stuck to their resolutions have an unusually high level of self-awareness. They know enough about what they require to make long-term changes to set themselves up for success.
Coaching taught me that what works for one person may not work for the next. While I’d love to share a list of life-changing tips on sticking to your long-term goals, I think it would be more helpful to share a few questions that may help you become more self-aware of how you make lasting changes.
When have you actually stuck with a habit for longer than three months? What worked about this?
Example: I have a colleague who’s been going to the gym regularly for over a year. After a series of false starts, she learned that a workout buddy is non-negotiable and that she needs to have an instructor to remove the ambiguity of what she should be doing. Hiring a personal trainer for her and her dad has made all the difference for her.
We have what I like to think of as a dopamine-addicted brain (credit to my mentor coach, Jeff Copper, for this gem!). How are you getting your quick, easy dopamine fixes? Is this getting in the way of you meeting your goals?
Example: After having my third child, I became more drawn to my phone. Between the absolute joy of parenthood, I was also struggling with the exhaustion, loneliness, and boredom that can also come with the job, and my screen was a tempting escape. I remember feeling relief when my phone would finally die like I was set free. I decided to take control by ditching my smartphone for a dumb phone, and I haven’t looked back. Being aware of where your dopamine-starved ADHD brain is getting its fix can open up possibilities for change.
How do you problem-solve best?
Example: A client of mine always struggled with getting started on their college essays. They’d sit in front of their laptop for hours trying to force something into existence, with disappointing results. Through lots of questioning and trial and error, my client learned they are a verbal processor. Now, my client meets with their professor as soon as a paper is assigned and talks through their ideas for the essay, gets clarification where needed, and sketches out a rough outline as they talk. With the clarity from verbal processing and getting questions answered, the writing became much more effortless.
Real, lasting change is possible with ADHD. It rarely, if ever, comes by making a big resolution and trying to will-power our way to the goal. Trust yourself to notice when you need to make a change. Ask yourself questions, get comfortable with and learn from failure, and don’t be afraid to take a different approach than your neurotypical friends. Let’s make 2025 the year of curiosity, self-awareness, and experimentation!
If you want to make some lasting change, consider meeting with any of our coaches to discuss how a coach could help. The Get Acquainted session is free, so consider it your small step towards a positive start in the New Year. Happy 2025 to you and yours!
Abby Riley
ADHD Coach and Life Coach, Executive Skills Coach