As a working mom with ADHD, I often joke that I have 70+ pots on one stove.
There’s dinner to make, appointments to remember, emails to answer, kids to get where they need to be, laundry to fold, meetings to follow up on, and somewhere in there… maybe I’ll remember to drink the cup of coffee I reheated three times?
For most of my life, my solution was simple: keep moving.
Move faster.
Do more.
Stay busier.
When Busy Becomes Survival Mode
I want to acknowledge that staying busy can be helpful — but what I am talking about is the too many demands and more moving pieces that I can actually hold.
My body learned that constant motion meant I was productive. Anxiety, urgency, shame, and guilt became the fuel that kept everything going. If I slowed down, I worried something would fall through the cracks.
And eventually… it always did. I would find myself more emotional than usual and with a very short fuse.
I’d push myself until I had absolutely nothing left.
Then Comes the Crash
I’d find myself sitting on the couch, binge-watching a show, unable to bring myself to do even the smallest task, like getting a drink of water. Laundry piled up. My kids would suddenly have no clean underwear. I’d go to make dinner only to realize every pot in the kitchen was dirty because I’d been too overwhelmed to catch up. Something as little as dropping a fork would send me over the edge.
It wasn’t because I was lazy.
My brain had simply run out of fuel.
The problem was that this cycle wasn’t sustainable.
A Different Kind of Productivity
One of the biggest shifts I’ve made (and one I’m still practicing because old habits are hard to change) was realizing that restorative time is productive.
Not reactive downtime after I’ve burned myself out (though this is also needed), but intentional (smaller and more frequent) restoration before I get there.
What Restoration Looks Like
Sometimes restoration looks like:
- Taking a walk outside to get the mail
- Pulling weeds in my garden
- Watching a favorite show without guilt
- Taking a few slow, deep breaths and noticing that my shoulders have been up around my ears all day
- And my newest one that I had no idea how much this helped: sitting in silence for five minutes eating a snack in my bedroom because I need a sensory break from the wonderful (and very loud) little humans I adore
What I’ve noticed is that when I choose these moments intentionally instead of waiting until I’m completely depleted, I come back differently.
Calmer.
Clearer.
More patient.
Less reactive.
More regulated.
My executive functioning comes back online more easily, and I am better able to be the person and parent I want to be.
Ironically, I often accomplish more afterward than I would have if I’d kept pushing through.
One of my coaching clients said something that has stuck with me when we were trying to figure out a way to reframe downtime:
“It’s my protective time to prevent burnout.”
Brilliant and so true!
Because if you’re anything like me, your inner critic probably has plenty to say.
“You’re not doing anything.”
“You should be getting more done.”
“Why are you so lazy?”
Those thoughts don’t usually motivate us. They often send us into a shame spiral, making emotional regulation and executive functioning even harder than they already were.
So this week, I’d invite you to try one small experiment.
A Better Question
Instead of asking yourself:
“What should I accomplish right now?”
Try asking:
“What does my brain need so I can accomplish things?”
You might be surprised by the answer.
Because sometimes the most productive thing you can do doesn’t look productive at all.
It looks like giving your ADHD brain exactly what it needs to come back online.
If you’re finding yourself stuck in the cycle of pushing until you crash, ADHD coaching can help you recognize those patterns before burnout takes over. Schedule a complimentary session with me or explore our other wonderful coaches at The Center for Living Well with ADHD. We’d love to help you discover what works best for you.
Alicia Kohls, M.Ed, PCAC
ADHD Coach and Life Coach, Executive Skills Coach