Many executive coaches preach about having a vision but fail to elaborate on how to avoid the pitfalls of wishing. An old friend of mine is a prime example of wishing. He dreams of having a great body. He collects all the bodybuilder magazines. He buys all the supplements. He has a gym membership. However, after years of paying for all this stuff, he is still over 400 pounds. Many years ago, he had bariatric surgery to reduce the size of his stomach. He had to lose a bunch of weight to qualify for the surgery. He lost the weight and had the surgery. In the years after the surgery, he slowly gained weight back until he was over 400 pounds again.
This is a common problem where the vision becomes muddled into wishing. My friend’s rapid weight loss was achieved through a quick-fix plan involving crash dieting, and he had no solid plan for how to sustain the weight loss after the surgery. I should explain that I am not trying to pick on my friend. I understand that maintaining a healthy weight can be a challenging goal for many people. I am merely highlighting what it looks like to mix high amounts of motivation with poor planning and unrealistic expectations. He wished for permanent change and he was highly motivated, but he was on the wrong path that got him nothing more than an expensive surgery bill and a crushed self-image.
My friend’s poor planning and expectations caused him to depart from reality. Though your peers may not understand your vision, it needs some rooting in reality. Once you have detached from that reality, you enter the prison of wishing. For example, a 42-year-old woman dreams of being the youngest woman to sail around the world solo. Reality says that this record was already awarded to a 16-year-old Dutch citizen. To continue with this dream is to incarcerate herself in the prison of wishing, not into the realm of a vision. This dream needs a rewrite. If this woman wants to be the youngest female record holder, she is going to have to find a way to reframe the dream to accommodate the fact that she is 42 years old. Perhaps she could be the “youngest mother of three children” to sail solo around the world. Maybe she can be the youngest woman with (insert disability) to sail around the world solo.
Visions rely on having great personal power and influence over your destiny (sailing around the world). The less personal power and influence involved in the dream, the more you enter the prison of wishing. This is why winning the lottery jackpot looks more like wishing and less like a vision. You spend $2 and buy a lottery ticket. Beyond saying a quick prayer to your higher power or voicing your intention to the universe, you have little influence over the outcome…just like 300 million other ticket holders praying and voicing to the universe.
Visions are a specific declaration to frame a once ambiguous dream. Visions are rooted in reality, even if the odds are stacked against you. Visions may indeed have a small part of luck woven into the process, but the actual momentum of a vision begins with a foundation in reality. According to NCAA statistics, only about 1.2% of all college men’s basketball players get drafted by an NBA team (Sportskeeda.com). This statistic may show the incredible odds that ensure only the best players are drafted, but you still need 10 men to walk onto the court to play a game. Those spots need to be filled, and they are filled with men who spend more than an hour a day playing pickup games at the local YMCA. Their vision to play in the NBA was supported by an effective plan, realistic expectations, and vast amounts of follow-through.
So look at your dream and ask yourself which direction you have taken them. Have you taken your dream into the prison of wishing, or have you taken them into the realm of a vision?
Do you need help answering this question? Contact me or one of the Center’s coaches for a free “Get-Acquainted” session to discuss the many benefits of coaching that are waiting for you!
Nate Hooper, CALC
ADHD Coach and Life Coach, Executive Skills Coach