What We Crave vs. What We Enjoy

Pop quiz! 

Question one: Which one of these feels best? 

1. The feeling you get after eating an entire gallon of ice cream
2. The feeling you get after playing on your phone for 6 hours
3. The feeling you get after going on a 30-minute walk 

Question two: If you were going to start one of these *right now*, which is the most appealing?

1. Eating ice cream
2. Playing on your phone
3. Going for a walk

Maybe my examples don’t resonate with you, but I suspect you can see where I’m going with this. The choices that make us feel better after the fact or even during the fact are not always the same choices that motivate us in the moment. These two categories are controlled by distinct brain processes: wanting versus liking.

Let’s consider an example. Scrolling on our phones appeals to us in a pretty primitive way. It’s *easy* to pick up a phone and start scrolling. Our brains are drawn towards it — that’s the brain’s “wanting” reward system. The “wanting” reward system motivates us to do something (I like to think of it as a craving). Now think about how it feels after you’ve been scrolling for a while. It’s often not that fun… it doesn’t make us feel good after the fact, and it isn’t even that fun once we get over the urge to start. It’s not activating the brain’s “liking” reward system (I like to think of this as enjoying). 

Why should you care? 

• Often, we fall into things that activate the “wanting” (craving) system, but many of our more enriching activities are in the purview of the “liking” (enjoying) system.
• Self-denial is much harder to utilize than self-awareness
• Many of us have tried to just talk ourselves out of the things we’re motivated to do – this is incredibly hard!
• By taking note of how you feel during and after an activity, you can train your brain to recognize and be better at reward prediction.
• This leads to more motivation for more enjoyable things.

So next time you’re tempted to berate yourself for “wasting time,” take a pause instead, and ask yourself some questions.

• How do you feel now? 
• Is this activity as enjoyable to continue as you thought it would be?
• How do you feel when you stop?
• What can you do to make it easier for yourself to do something different next time?

The brain’s reward systems are powerful, but they’re also trainable. Show yourself a little extra compassion, and cultivate your self-awareness gradually. You’re not in this alone!

Speaking of not being alone! Check out the team at The Center for Living Well with ADHD. We have twelve coaches, each with different backgrounds, styles, and areas of expertise. Chances are, one of them will feel like someone you can partner with to form better habits. Sign up for a complimentary get-acquainted appointment and learn more about partnering with a coach.