No one likes boredom. I’m not talking about “the state of doing nothing” – that’s not always boring. I’m talking about that feeling where your brain feels painfully understimulated; you might feel both restless and tired, or frustrated and unchallenged. It’s often paradoxical, and it’s always uncomfortable. Nobody likes it. But those of us with ADHD don’t merely dislike it; we loathe it so much that we will do just about anything to avoid it. Sometimes those efforts to avoid it can lead us to make choices that we later regret. So what’s to be done?
To alleviate boredom, we must cultivate a sense of curiosity. I hypothesize that boredom isn’t a single state – it’s a collection of states. And to come up with a solution, we have to figure out our exact flavor of boredom! A one-size-fits-all approach is more likely to be met with “blah that still sounds boring” than a tailor-made solution is.
From my personal experience and from working with clients, here are a few of the more common flavors of boredom that I’ve seen, and how they might show up:
1. Lonely-bored: this boredom is a craving for interaction!
a. A kid who rejects every solo-play toy and activity, and insists on interactionb.
b. An adult who could read, or play video games, or watch TV… but things that are usually fun don’t sound exciting if you’re alone.
2. Squirmy-bored: an inability to tolerate sitting still.
a. A kid who can’t stay seated in class or at dinner
b. An adult who can’t sit still during meetings, or can’t handle long waits (for example, waiting for your turn when renewing your driver’s licence)
3. Familiarity-bored: too much curiosity to be contained by the same-old everyday life.
a. It might feel like a desperate need to go somewhere new, do a random deep-dive on some new hobby, or find any other source of novelty.
b. The same places you normally like do *not* sound appealing if you’re familiarity-bored!
4. Ease-bored: this kind of boredom comes when things are too easy.
a. A kid might describe non-challenging activities as “dumb… for babies.”
b. If you have work that is truly not hard, you might notice a feeling of disinterest or pointlessness in it.
You may already be imagining how identifying your flavor of boredom could lead to more effective solutions. Here are a few of the creative solutions that I’ve seen people come up with:
1. Lonely-bored:
a. A kid who would change the order of tasks when they needed interaction (e.g., help a parent unload the dishwasher if they couldn’t do homework solo without some company first)
b. An adult who would call their sibling while they pulled weeds in their garden
2. Squirmy-bored:
a. A parent who would help his child identify what they felt, and encouraged his kiddo to take walk-around breaks, then come back to the dinner table
b. An executive coach who put a foot-rocker under their office desk so they could swing their feet without jiggling their webcam.
3. Familiarity-bored:
a. An aunt who helped her nephew see his toys in a new light by inventing new games using his “same-old” toys.
b. A teacher who no longer enjoyed her circuit workout started playing a sword-fighting game in a VR headset instead.
4. Easiness-bored:
a. A middle-schooler who made putting clothes away into a throw-catch-fold game with her little brother
b. A software engineer who decided to think about tedious tasks as case-studies… and ended up creating great training documents for her co-workers
I think it’s safe to say that there are other forms of boredom that I haven’t mentioned here. What kinds of boredom have you found in your life? And how could you solve some of the flavors of boredom I’ve mentioned here? ADHD brains don’t tolerate boredom – and sometimes with some clever investigation, we don’t have to.
If you want to move forward on your goals and are looking for support, consider ADHD coaching. At the Center, we offer a range of options for all ages and needs, including one-to-one coaching, group coaching, workshops, and body doubling groups. Consider scheduling a complimentary introductory meeting with me or any of the other coaches at The Center for Living Well with ADHD. Let’s get acquainted, understand your needs, and explore how ADHD Coaching may help you experience more of the life you are meant to have.
Mike Legett
ADHD Coach and Life Coach, Executive Skills Coach