I have stories from three ADHD clients, all in different situations, accepting themselves and what they need. They worked through wanting to be different, but instead noticed the relief they felt when they asked for/took/advocated for exactly what they needed.
One client had been vacationing with a group of friends for years. Her friends were all very extroverted, and she’s the introvert of the bunch. Although the majority likes to be together – always – she found this draining. This year, she took an hour to herself daily in the afternoon, to spend some quiet time in her room away from everyone else, refreshing her introvert cup. She didn’t give in to any pressures and didn’t feel any guilt for doing so. She remarked in our coaching session that this was the best vacation she’s ever had with them. Instead of pushing herself to be different than she was, she accepted her need for quiet time, and it ended up serving her very well.
Another client had been wrestling with internal expectations to jump right back into work the day after his vacation. He has an especially demanding job, so he felt it would be most efficient to use Friday (after returning late Thursday from his vacation) to catch up on work. What he noticed when he returned was that he felt a pull to use that Friday to get personal things back on track and leave work for Monday. As he talked out loud in our session, he realized that if he had jumped back into work, post-vacation home life tasks may have lingered for weeks. (Anyone else delayed unpacking or doing laundry after a trip? I know I have!) He now knows the best way to transition is to take that extra day off work to catch up at home; it’s just what he needs, and it works well for him.
The third client had been wanting to do something about their home for a while. They wanted it to feel more organized, with boxes cleared out and items having a designated “home.” In our sessions, they mentioned how whenever a friend came over, they always organized things and cleaned up before the friend arrived. The hard part was doing this on their own. (This is such a common theme with many ADHDers!) So what did this client do? They leaned into having a person come over and hired a professional organizer to help! And it is working beautifully.
What I’d like you to take away from these stories is that we all have things about ourselves that we wish were different. With ADHD, we get a lot of examples of how neurotypical people live their lives, and often that comes with pressure for us to do the same.
But we’re not the same. And if we didn’t struggle with things like overstimulation, transitions, or cleaning, we would not have ADHD. There is freedom in embracing exactly who you are, letting go of trying to live like someone else, and instead going after exactly what you need for you.
If you’re excited to embrace your whole self, reduce your suffering, and learn precisely what helps your unique brain, all of the Center coaches are here for you. Reach out for a free Get Acquainted Session when you’re ready. We would love to visit with you!
Riley Karbon, PCAC
ADHD Coach and Life Coach, Executive Skills Coach