We’re constantly bombarded with messages (internal and external) that if we try hard enough, if we want it badly enough, we’ll get it done. But for many people with ADHD, motivation can be completely gone—and the task still has to happen.
For me this week, that task was picking up my room and office. Nothing big. Nothing all that meaningful. Just a messy space that needed attention.
And here’s the thing: I really wanted to do it. I wanted my room to be clean. I wanted my office to be usable. This wasn’t avoidance or apathy. The desire was there, and my brain still refused to cooperate.
Bullying myself about how seemingly simple the task was didn’t do the trick. “This is picking up a room, not rocket science,” my inner ADHD bully told me. “You’re an ADHD coach, shouldn’t you know what to do?” Sometimes, even when you know all the strategies, starting the task can still be incredibly hard.
I had plenty of tried-and-true tools ready to go.
I set my visual timer—just work for five minutes. I put on an interesting podcast. When that didn’t work, I tried clean-with-me videos on YouTube. When that didn’t work, I defaulted to Office episodes I’ve seen approximately 8,000 times. I broke the task down into neat, logical steps: start with garbage, then things that obviously don’t belong in the room.
None of it worked. The difficulty wasn’t the cleaning. The difficulty was starting. This is what many people with ADHD recognize as difficulty with task initiation.
A call from my husband was a turning point. When he asked how it was going, I had that unsavory urge to tell a story: “Fine!” Just smooth things over and move on. Instead, I forced myself to be honest: “Not well. I’m having the hardest time getting started.”
As usual, problem-solving came more easily once I was talking out loud. I said something like, “There’s no one to body double with… well, I could use Z.” Instead of overthinking it, I acted immediately and called on my 9-year-old for support.
“Z, I’ll let you watch a movie on the tablet under one condition: you watch it in my room, and you make sure I start cleaning when this timer goes off.” Screen time and POWER over mom? She was all in.
I let myself stall for ten more minutes, the timer went off, and guess what? I got up and started. I didn’t feel motivated. I didn’t feel inspired. I just moved grumpily through the motions, and that was enough.
And this is the part I want to slow down and name clearly. Struggling to start doesn’t mean you’re doing ADHD wrong. It means you’re human! It doesn’t matter how much you want to do the thing. It doesn’t matter how seemingly simple it is. It doesn’t matter how many strategies you know. Some days, initiation is just brutally hard. On those days, the goal isn’t to force motivation to appear. It’s to find a way in.
For many of my clients and me, the way in when all else fails is almost always roping in another person. Maybe it’s talking out loud. Maybe it’s a slightly ridiculous workaround that would never make it into a productivity book. Whatever does it for you, own it and do it!
ADHD management isn’t about white-knuckling your way through tasks with willpower. It’s about noticing what actually helps you move, even when motivation is nowhere to be found, and permitting yourself to use that. And if today’s strategies don’t work? That’s not a failure. That’s just information.
Looking for more support with ADHD, motivation, and getting started on hard tasks? Consider booking the services of myself or any of the other Center for Living Well with ADHD coaches as a partner in creating strategies and building structure to help with lagging willpower. The initial get-acquainted session is free, and a great opportunity to get your concerns addressed.
Abby Riley
ADHD Coach and Life Coach, Executive Skills Coach