The Costanza Method: George’s Guide to ADHD Management

The other day, I watched the Seinfeld episode in which George Costanza, a self-described “bald man with no job, no money, who lives with [his] parents,” realizes his terrible decisions led him to his lowly state. To turn his life around, George decides he will henceforth do the opposite of his natural impulses, right down to his lunch order at the diner. Soon, he finds himself with a hot girlfriend and his dream job with the New York Yankees. 

George’s school of thought is: Go against your instincts; good things will happen. If this doesn’t feel like ADHD management some days, I laughed to myself. And in a way, it does. George starts noticing his impulses before he acts and chooses to do something different. This is at the heart of ADHD management. 

But that doesn’t sit quite right, does it? Important disclaimer: George doesn’t have ADHD. The episode is funny because George is an inherently selfish and lazy man whose polar opposite self is likable and successful. ADHD’ers, hear this: YOU are not George Costanza. You are not lazy. Lots of ADHD folks (and people in their lives) wrongly apply negative character traits to themselves. Our brain is wired differently, making it much harder for us to override the instinctive urges that everyone has to avoid discomfort and access the thinking/problem-solving part of our brain. 

Nonetheless, George deserves some credit here! Noticing his impulses as they happen, pausing, and making a different choice is just plain hard to do, and George is doing it with much success! Get it, George!

So, is the Costanza Method of ADHD Management The Solution to our ADHD woes? How did it pan out for old Georgie? Not great, I’m afraid. George, of course, is unable to keep this up long-term. He crashes as spectacularly as he rises. We’ve all been there. Having a day like George did, where we fight our impulses all day long, is incredibly exhausting because we’re using willpower. Willpower, motivation, grit…these are essentially different ways of saying dopamine, of which our ADHD brains are in short supply. The “just do it” approach may work for a while but is a guaranteed recipe for burnout in the long run. Ari Tuckman says it best: “If you can manage your ADHD with willpower, you probably don’t have ADHD.” 

In the spirit of George 2.0, let’s practice noticing impulses that aren’t helpful to us as they’re happening and try out a different approach. In the spirit of maintaining our sanity and achieving real, long-term ADHD management, let’s modify the Costanza Method a bit. Let’s practice noticing how we actually get things done and lean into that instead of using brute force to tackle things the way we think they “should” be done. 

(Shameless self-promotion) An ADHD coach is really helpful with this process! Click this link to schedule a quick freebie session with me to learn more about coaching.

I’ll leave you with some personal examples of the modified Costanza Method to get you thinking:

• Knowing I’m a verbal processor, I wrote this blog by discussing it with a friend first instead of trying to push through it solo. After talking it out, the blog I’ve been struggling to write came pretty easily!
• Instead of constantly fighting the temptation to look at my smartphone 24/7, I got rid of it, got myself a dumb phone, and haven’t looked back. 
• Instead of designing the perfect workout plan, I have standing dates to walk and talk with friends over the phone. Talking with a pal is fun, and I know I won’t skip it. This way, I’ll definitely get a walk done that I wouldn’t have otherwise, and once I’m out there and have wrapped up with my friend, the walk sometimes turns into a jog.

I will now do the opposite of my impulse to over-edit this blog post and share it as is. It’s good enough. I’m done. What can the Costanza Method do for you today?