My ADHD Story
Growing up, I felt everything deeply.
Joy wasn’t just happiness — it was a full-body experience. Disappointment didn’t sting; it leveled me. My mom has told me stories of being as young as 18 months old and feeling emotions so big they didn’t seem to fit inside my body (something I’ve reflected on before in Supporting Kids’ Emotional Well-Being). My mind was always busy too — jumping between projects and hobbies, officially changing majors 10 times in my first two years of college, and constantly thinking 12 steps ahead.
I wasn’t bouncing off the walls — I was doodling in the margins, lost in my thoughts, internally panicking about forgetting something important. I cared so much about doing well that I overprepared, overthought, and quietly criticized myself when things felt hard.
Perfectionism became my armor. If I worked harder, stayed later, and pushed through, maybe no one would notice how overwhelmed I felt inside.
Relationships were another place it showed up. I replayed conversations in my head, internalized feedback, and carried a constant sense of “Did I do something wrong?” Many times to the point of exhaustion.
I quickly learned that if I showed people what they expected, I wouldn’t be “too” much.
It wasn’t until my mid-twenties, while teaching a lesson to fourth graders, that I realized something was off. They couldn’t follow my instructions, and I felt so frustrated — I knew I had explained everything clearly. But when I looked up at the board, I saw it immediately: my directions were completely out of order.
I remember thinking, I wonder if this is ADHD.
That single question cracked something open. Suddenly, so much of my life began to make sense.
It wasn’t about character flaws or personal failures. These were clues — signs of a neurological difference that often goes unnoticed in girls and women: ADHD.
Why ADHD in Girls and Women Often Looks Different
For decades, ADHD was defined through a very narrow lens — the image of a young boy who can’t sit still, blurts out answers, and is visibly disruptive. That presentation of ADHD exists… but it’s far from the whole picture.
Girls and women often experience ADHD internally, which means it can be easier to miss and harder to name.
Many girls and women can have signs of:
- Inattention that looks like daydreaming, zoning out, or quiet overwhelm
- Emotional intensity and difficulty regulating feelings, which is often only seen at home, or, on the other end, intense shutdown
- Perfectionism, people-pleasing, and masking to keep up
- Chronic self-doubt paired with working extra hard behind the scenes
These patterns are frequently mislabeled as anxiety, stress, moodiness, or “just being sensitive.” And because they don’t disrupt classrooms or demand attention, they’re often overlooked — sometimes for decades.
What ADHD Research Says About Girls and Women
Women are often diagnosed with ADHD years — even decades — later than men. Not because ADHD is rare in girls, but because the diagnostic criteria were largely built around “typical” male-presenting symptoms.
Women are more likely to internalize struggles, compensate through overachievement, and attribute their challenges to personal shortcomings. By the time ADHD is identified, many are already carrying years of shame, burnout, and exhaustion.
The good news is that more research is being done on how ADHD shows up in women and how hormones impact the ability to manage symptoms.
This awareness matters.
You Are Not Alone
Many women with ADHD discover their diagnosis later in life — often after years of misdiagnosis, masking, or burnout.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “This feels familiar,” I want you to pause and take that in.
You’re not broken.
You’re not lazy.
You’re not “too much.”
You’re likely navigating a brain that works differently in a world that wasn’t designed for it.
One resource I found especially validating is the Duke Center for Girls & Women with ADHD. Their work highlights exactly what so many women experience but struggle to name — and that kind of representation can be incredibly powerful.
Hope, Support, and What Comes Next
If you suspect ADHD in yourself or someone you love:
- Look at lifelong patterns, not just current stress
- Learn how ADHD presents differently in women
- Seek professionals who understand female-presenting ADHD
- Find spaces where your emotional experiences are validated
Understanding your brain changes everything. With the right support, ADHD isn’t just something to manage — it becomes something you can work with.
And if you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or unseen right now, please hear this:
Your experience is valid. And support exists — not to fix you, but to help you thrive.
At The Center for Living Well with ADHD, we work with individuals every day who are putting the pieces together. ADHD coaching can be a powerful next step in building self-understanding, emotional regulation, and sustainable ways that actually fit your life. If this resonated, we’d love to walk alongside you — you don’t have to do this alone. 💛
Alicia Kohls, M.Ed, PCAC
ADHD Coach and Life Coach, Executive Skills Coach