ADHD: From the Scaries to What is Truly Possible

It’s amazing to wake up each day and do what you love. That has been my journey in coaching.  Over the past 15 years, I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to make a difference—to help people transition from feeling stuck in their lives to a place of hope, actionable possibilities, and success.

I recalled a client from several years ago who looked at me, tears in his eyes, and said, “My ADHD feels so debilitating and unshakeable. Am I doomed to a lifetime of struggling with all this chaos and stress?” This man had a heart of gold, was incredibly bright, and had earned a graduate degree. Yet, he felt he was always falling short of his potential and was considering quitting his job to start a different, less fulfilling career.

His story is not unusual. Over the years, I’ve heard different versions of the same fears from others I have coached.

• A 10-year-old boy convinced he was “destined to live a life in jail” all because he couldn’t do his homework.
• A college freshman on academic probation shared, “College is just not for me. No matter how hard I try, I just end up failing.”
• A mother of three confessing, “I am so ashamed and feel like the worst mother and homemaker ever” as she masked feelings of defeat and overwhelm from her friends. 
• A couple married for ten years, on the brink of splitting up over chronic frustration and feeling like the fool, “I can’t be who I need to be to make her happy.”
• Older adults, often diagnosed late in life, lamenting, “If only I knew, life could have been so different.”

These are their stories. I was blessed to watch them pull away from despair and into a more manageable and enjoyable life. This work is meaningful and matters because I know what’s possible. I know there is hope to be happy, fulfilled, and thriving with ADHD.

The truth is living your best life with ADHD is a journey!

Sometimes, having ADHD is a gift or superpower that lifts us up and propels us forward. And there are times when ADHD holds us back from enjoying life and successful endeavors. Your story and experience depend on whether you are willing to embrace having ADHD with self-compassion and where you are in the journey.

We used to believe that ADHD was a childhood disorder that one could outgrow. That is a myth. The Centers for Disease Control recently reported that in a 2023 survey, 15.5 million US adults had a current diagnosis, with one-half diagnosed in adulthood. ADHD won’t disappear, and no magic spell exists to eliminate it entirely. However, there is a path to follow that can change your experience for an improved quality of life. Here are the steps to get you started.

1. Evaluation for Diagnosis and Consideration of Treatment Options: Some fear the diagnosis and stigma. But understanding what you’re dealing with opens the door to actionable steps and a healthier explanation of what is happening.
2. Explore Your Treatment Options: Did you know there are now 30 or more options for medication, stimulants, and non-stimulants? Be open-minded. Don’t be afraid to list your concerns and questions and talk with your clinician openly about them. Keep a treatment diary if you choose medications to help your physician adjust medications or make dosage changes as needed.
3. Build ADHD Knowledge and Self-Awareness: Educate yourself with expert resources to understand ADHD. We learned last week there is a lot of misinformation out there. It’s crucial to develop a reliable foundation of knowledge to evaluate options accurately. You also want to invest time in self-awareness. How is ADHD manifested in you?  For everyone, it is likely to be a little different or unique, just like a snowflake or thumbprint. What are your strengths? What are the blindspots that sneak up on you?
4. Keep Self-Care Sacred: Prioritize what helps your attention and energy—sleep, diet, habits, exercise, coping skills, stress management, and even time for play and creativity. These are alternative approaches that can make or break your symptoms. Attention to other conditions that can exacerbate your ADHD symptoms.
5. Hone the 3Ms—Mindfulness, Growth Mindset, and Motivation: Mindfulness has long proven beneficial for our brains, focusing our awareness on the moment, and improving cognitive abilities and emotional resilience. Having a growth versus fixed mindset will help you stay encouraged and working at it.  It’s easy with ADHD to slide into a fixed mindset, where we think “it is what it is” and we get caught up in the scary stories of our past, instead of exploring with curiosity, what is truly possible. Last but not least is motivation. What motivates you from within? What treats you to more dopamine?
6. Bridge and Build on Skills, such as executive function skills with things like time management, sustained attention, organization, planning, prioritization, task initiation, working memory, and more. Other soft skills matter as well, like  communication, social graces, leadership, problem solving, and conflict management. Personal growth is important for everyone, not just those with ADHD. It enriches our lives.
7. Develop Your Unique Toolbox of Success Strategies: Find what works best for you. There is a lot of information out there on ADHD-friendly hacks and solutions. Just remember what works for one person with ADHD works for one person with ADHD. It may not work as well for you because it doesn’t lean into your strengths and unique ways of approaching tasks successfully.
8. Surround Yourself with Support!  Another critical success strategy is having a well-thought-out support team. You don’t need to do this alone. In fact, you’re much better off if you don’t. The best approach to managing ADHD is a multifaceted one. The wish list includes clinicians, psychotherapists, and ADHD Coaches. Don’t forget to surround yourself with positive peers, spouses, and family members. Consider the value of work, educational advocates, or an inspiring community. You need your village!

With a willingness to embark on the journey, you can find your way from a trail of terror to a trail of much better. The question becomes, “What could your trail of much better lead to?”

Everyone likes a happy ending. So I will wrap this up by sharing why there is hope.

• The gentleman in tears discovered how to excel in his job and now champions others with ADHD to do the same
• The 10-year-old recently graduated from high school and is thriving in his first year of pre-med.
• After taking a year off to work full time, the college freshman returned and finished Magna Cum Laude.
• Approaching household maintenance and parenting the way she was designed to do it the best allowed the mom to enjoy a calmer and cleaner household.
• And, ADHD Coaching has helped many diagnosed late in life shift from grieving about the past to more self-compassion and joy for their future.

Don’t give up. Don’t be scared. This journey shares the tricks and treats to make it through!

And here is a great opportunity to help if you are feeling lost about the next steps.

Join us for GOT ADHD, NOW WHAT: Your Guide Moving Forward – This 90-minute virtual workshop walks you through 8 different areas for support, providing more specifics and helping you plan for the next steps.  There are three dates to choose from: November 16th, November 21st, and December 7th. Click here to learn more.  And best of all, this treat’s on us!  We hope to see you there.