A Life Well Lived

What does it mean to have a life well lived? That question in an article in Psychology Today caught my eye. The author, Willem Kuyken, Ph.D., has excerpted some of his Mindfulness for Life book. In his excerpt, Willem shared a story of walking through a cemetery and seeing a headstone with the inscription “A Life Well Lived” under the name. That got him considering what it meant to have a life like that. Naturally, I was also curious about how mindfulness would play into a well-lived life. 

Willem noted that mindfulness offers three keys to unlocking a life well lived: Attitude, Values, and Awareness.

Attitude: Make a Friend of Your Brain

Willem shared a quote by Raheem Sterling, a young English soccer player, “My mind can be my worst enemy or best friend.” Raheem will meditate because it helps him make friends with his brain, which, in turn, helps him in his sports and mental health. Dr. Kuyken suggests to ask yourself What does friendship mean to you? What does a good friend do for you through life’s good and bad patches? Does your idea of a good friend describe how you feel about your mind? Do you talk to yourself affirmingly, like “You’ve got this,” and “I’ve got your back; it will be OK.” Or is the voice you use with yourself critical — “You can’t do anything” or “You are a screwup.”

I remember someone in a podcast years ago saying that if we had a speaker in our mind blasting out our thoughts on a given day, people would run away from the awful things we say to ourselves. And yet, most of us would never think to say such hurtful things to our friends. So why shouldn’t we befriend our brains and work in tandem to solve life’s dilemmas? 

Values: Let Values Be Your North Star

Using your unique values as a compass means pursuing your true vision for life and not someone else’s. Dr. Kuyken suggests that your answers to the questions of what matters most point to your values. What or whom do you care most about? What are you passionate about? We’re all different, and knowing what’s meaningful to us is essential to living well.

Positive psychology research has identified twenty-four character strengths common to all humanity: creativity, curiosity, open-mindedness, love of learning, perspective, bravery, persistence, integrity, vitality, love, kindness, social intelligence, citizenship, fairness, leadership, forgiveness, humility, prudence, self-regulation, appreciation of beauty and excellence, gratitude, hope, humor, and spirituality (Peterson, & Seligman, 2004). You can find free assessments online to help you identify your values and strengths. Try the VIA Institute on Character survey to get an idea of where your compass or North Star might lead you. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, your values, like a compass, point you in the right direction.

Awareness: Waking Up and Paying Attention

Now more than ever, we need this third component. There are so many things demanding our attention these days that it’s easy to get so overwhelmed that you just check out and glaze over. What you focus on is like a spotlight and shapes your thoughts, feelings, decisions, and, ultimately, reality. 

Here are some practical steps that Dr. Kuyken suggests to begin adjusting how you approach your day and pay attention on purpose, with attitudes of curiosity and friendliness. 

Every moment is already here, waiting for you to pay attention. 

1. Start Small: Begin with simple mindfulness practices like mindful breathing or a body scan.
2. Reflect Daily: Take a few moments each day to reflect on your attitude and values.
3. Stay Consistent: Regular practice is crucial in developing and sustaining mindfulness.

In today’s challenging world, too many languish and feel isolated or disconnected from a more profound sense of ourselves. Maybe you have an unrelenting feeling that your life isn’t quite where you visualized it would be, or maybe you just want to keep the good life you have right now. Discovering and using the practice of mindfulness can bring you greater meaning and fulfillment. Let the three keys of mindfulness help you unlock a life well lived.

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