7 ADHD Coaching Insights on the Power of Self-Talk

I remember back in the day that talking to yourself was considered crazy and a sign of some mental instability or inability to socially interact with others. If you were caught talking to yourself, the embarrassment was huge, and the jokes never ended. It has always been surprising to me what other humans will remember into perpetuity when they can’t remember their phone number. My family never failed to remember that I often discussed many things out loud, along with my consistent lateness, and thought it was funny to bring it up frequently. 

Thankfully, the notion that talking to yourself is a myth that has been debunked and proven to be a tremendous asset in many ways. Psychology now recognizes self-talk as a common cognitive process and an aspect linked to the development of higher mental functions, such as language, reasoning, and problem-solving. Many of us have noticed our children engaging in self-talk as they interact with their learning environment.

As a coach, I have always encouraged my clients to use self-talk to learn new material. By reading the material out loud, they are using their sight and auditory learning modalities, and it’s a double win. However, there is much more to talking to yourself that is of value, and I discovered these additional points in a fascinating article by Robert N. Kraft, Ph.D., published in Psychology Today. I would like to share those benefits with you; however, I encourage you to read Robert Kraft’s full article, “7 Reasons to Talk Out Loud to Yourself,” on Psychology Today’s website.

Reason #1 – Helps us learn new material:

Dr. Kraft tells us that thinking out loud while studying increases our engagement with the material and the enjoyment of the experience. I would say it also helps those of us with ADHD stay attentive to learning the materials because we are less easily distracted by our environment. 

Reason #2 – It offers guidance during complex activities:

Talking aloud keeps us focused during tasks that involve multiple steps. Verbally processing each step out loud helps us move forward and keeps us on track with each action. It can also be used as a way to provide ourselves with reinforcement or constructive feedback. For those of us with ADHD, it can also help us break the project down into more concrete steps, making it more likely that we will start and complete them. 

Reason #3 – Gives us time to process disquieting or novel experiences:

Dr. Kraft reasons that talking out loud allows us to manage unusual and surprising events as well as the distressing parts that can typically happen in any experience. Talking out loud makes those environments more understandable, and we are better able to self-manage and offer self-guidance. 

Reason #4 – Improves performance:

Many people in the performance realm, such as athletes, dancers, and actors, practice their craft and rehearse their moves out loud. Adding in voicing positive self-talk is known to boost their motivation. For our ADHD community, it’s a great opportunity to drown out the negative chatter and focus on the doing of what we know. 

Reason #5 – Helps us process past events:

We will have to deal with frustrating past events and experiences, but we can overcome our dejection by reducing the self-criticism spiral when talking to ourselves out loud. See Reason #6 for why out loud helps the self-criticism spiral. 

Reason #6 – It helps us monitor our internal dialogue:

Those of us with ADHD know the damage of negative self-talk but find ourselves at a loss for how to manage it. What Robert Kraft is saying here is that by making the negative self-chatter more obvious, we are more aware of it and are better able to correct or reframe it. I cannot remember who said that if we put our internal thoughts on a speaker and broadcast our self-judgments and criticisms out to those around us, it would likely lead to some concern about being around us. I agree that it would happen from my self-talk, and I can see them not walking but running away. 

Reason #7 – It promotes self-distancing:

Dr. Kraft suggests using the pronoun “you” or, even better, using your first name when talking out loud. This gives you some distance to observe the self you are talking to and enhances your ability to self-manage and self-regulate your behavior and feelings. He puts forth some examples of how you might use this distancing in your responses. Instead of “Why do I feel this way?” I could try “Why do you feel this way, Katherine?” Using my own name offers a new perspective and a little bit of distance to think about this feeling without it feeling less self-judgmental and cranking up the regular thoughts on my shortcomings. 

Dr. Kraft summarized the article, saying it could be argued that we are all naturally two selves. Consider that with self-control, “a regulating self tries to manage the pleasurable self. And with self-criticism, a judging self assesses a faulty self. With self-talk, one of our selves talks to the other.” He suggests that if we can get comfortable with embodying these two selves and holding the conversations out loud, we can reap the benefits and improve our well-being. 

Managing life with ADHD and better self-talk can feel like an uphill battle. But with a combination of information and self-regulation strategies, it’s possible to manage more effectively and live a fulfilling, meaningful life. If you want to discover how ADHD coaching can support you in better strategies and more consistency, let’s get you connected with one of our coaches. Find a coach and book a complimentary Get-Acquainted Session to get more details.