From The Burdens of Negativity To The Power of Positivity: 5 Tips To Stop The Sabotage of Negative Self-Talk with ADHD

It doesn’t take much with our ADHD to send our thoughts and emotions reeling. That’s because we have a much easier time recalling what has gone wrong or how we failed over what’s turned out right or been a success. We call these reactive recollections automatic negative thoughts (ANTs). When they surface, we are more likely to give the ANTs more weight over other evidence from our past to inform our current reality.

With ADHD, negative self-talk is a saboteur that starts early in life courtesy of frequent mishaps and feedback from others who don’t understand ADHD or don’t always mean well. Once there, it repeatedly plays the same ole song, which grows stronger with every retelling. Over time, those ANTs can keep us caught up in a fixed mindset of struggle and learned helplessness rather than a growth mindset of feeling capable and hopeful about new possibilities. As a result, our dreams stall out, and we may find ourselves playing smaller in life and doing very little at all.

Can you relate? Ready to stop the cycle?

You may think it’s easier said than done. Not necessarily. Here are a few strategies anyone can try to tame those ANTs so they have less and less control over your life as they surface. In some cases, you may need to reach out for help with ADHD Coaching or therapy as appropriate.

Tip #1 – Find Your Calm

First of all, it’s difficult to think clearly when negative emotions and emotional flooding kick in for those with ADHD. Finding your calm is a good place to start. Begin with self-awareness of your own experience when this happens. Some signs are: feeling overpowered or overwhelmed, shutting down, difficulty making decisions, and racing thoughts. Or you might notice signs in your body as well such as tension in your neck, a knot in your stomach, or skin flushing. What are your signs? These signs are your cue to pause, find a quiet place, or an opportunity to take a few deep breaths. Even better, turn on an app for a quick meditation or mindfulness exercise. Or give yourself the gift of a movement break to help you reach a peaceful place inside.

Tip #2 – Take Note of What You’re Thinking

Don’t let those negative thoughts get away! Capture and write them down. After a while, you will notice the patterns, so you can take steps to target and disempower those thoughts and your reactions. What are your most prevalent ANTs? Next, see the voice of influence and mindset in the message. A growth mindset is more likely to influence feelings of perseverance, determination, and confidence that you can handle whatever it is. A fixed mindset is more likely to influence feelings of shutdown or pessimism and leave you feeling disempowered. Which voice would you want to listen to in the present?

Tip #3 – Spark Curiosity with Compassion 

It’s time to dig into the roots of where the ANTs come from in the first place. Curiosity is often a hallmark trait of ADHD. Why not use it to your advantage? Exercising compassion is another essential aspect of using your curiosity. With ADHD, we may find it easy to be compassionate toward others but often fall short of extending that same compassion to ourselves. If this is your challenge, try applying that curiosity and compassion as you would for your best friend or loved one.

Let’s get curious. Pick one of the prevalent ANTs to start with. Note what the thought represents and identify the source of its existence. Acknowledge what is behind the message. This is a key component for self-awareness and a much-needed approach to overcoming the throes of having ADHD.

Consider the source. Did the thought originate as a collection of experiences from the past? Or, could it be an unreasonable expectation you have put upon yourself? Or does the source originate entirely from someone else?

Keep experiences from the past in perspective. With a growth mindset, remind yourself that experiences in the past do not necessarily dictate what happens in the present or future with the capacity to learn and achieve different outcomes when you try new approaches.

Question the value of the expectation you have placed on yourself. Envision the desired outcome of the expectation and why it truly matters. Question if the expectation needs to weigh on you or if there is another way to achieve the desired result that aligns with your strengths and unique brain wiring.

Take comments from others with a grain of salt, whether from one person or several. With a growth mindset, feedback becomes a valuable learning opportunity that helps us with self-awareness and self-regulation. With a fixed mindset, feedback may feel like a personal attack and keep our emotions and behaviors reeling. Question the validity of the message and who it comes from. Watch out for absolute words like “I always, I never, I can’t, I won’t ever, if I only”. With ADHD, it’s so important to surround ourselves with positive people who inspire and lift us to be our best selves, and avoid toxic people in our lives who jump to label our character and shut us down.

Tip #4 – Turn Those ANTs Around

Time to reframe and embody growth. Start with a bit of perspective hunting and some fact-finding. Can you find other evidence that counters your automatic negative thoughts? I bet you can! Reframe with the truth. Write down a few matter-of-fact statements to keep in front of you for easy recall in relevant situations. You can give the ANTs less power by neutralizing the all-or-none thinking as you switch out one or more words in your statement based on your fact-finding. The easy targets are the absolute words. On Growth Mindset, Carol Dweck likes adding words like “and” and “yet” to shift into a growth mindset. Build a better story bank. Start capturing your wins and successes every day. A favorite strategy is to keep a bedtime journal with an entry before falling asleep of three things you did well each day. Your new stories are better evidence to draw upon and, better yet, they are in the present, facing forward rather than digging out the disappointments of the past. Create a habit of revisiting your journal of successes. What would happen if you meditated on those versus the blunders of the past? The older stories would likely begin to disappear along with the negativity.

Tip #5 – Last But Not Least, Talk Back

In the end, the only way to get rid of a negative thought is to consciously stop it. Tell yourself to stop when the ANTs come marching in, and keep telling it to stop until it goes away completely. Even talkback out loud if you need to. Your words might be “Stop,” “Go Away,” or “I’m Not Listening.”

As a wrap-up, you always have the power of choice, including what you want to embody and who you want to be in life. Will it be the power of positivity or the burden of negativity? The ideas above can help you bring more positivity into your life by stifling the ANTs that fill our ADHD lives with negativity.

What would positivity in action look like for you? Don’t be afraid to reach out for help to create this for yourself. ADHD Coaching can help bring more positivity in your life. ADHD Coaches help you with mindset shifts, setting and achieving goals, identifying actionable steps, using more of your strengths, bridging executive function gaps, and providing accountability and support to accomplish success and build a better story. At the Center, we have a team of highly trained and specialized ADHD coaches located in several states throughout the US who provide coaching for people of all ages and stages of life with ADHD worldwide. Learn more about our Coaches here. Schedule a complimentary get-acquainted session to explore your needs and how ADHD Coaching can support you.